Wednesday, July 23, 2008

mud on your face

Do you ever have moments when you are so ashamed of who you were in a past moment? When you realize how wretchedly prideful and pompous you were, thinking that others around you didn't have a clue how much better you were at something than they were?

My whole life I've tried to love people where they are at, and couldn't understand how other friends of mine could be so judgmental, so "narrow-minded" - classifying people into categories and sub-categories and writing them off without ever trying to get to know them better. I was not one of those people.

Or so I thought. Looking back, I was, but, of course, in my own way. I was just as judgmental of people, but chose to not be so overt about it. That makes it even worse.

And, not only that, but I have gotten much worse over the years. I find myself thinking, "That guy is just a pig," or "she's only out to help herself all the time, there's no room for her to think of my needs." How RIDICULOUSLY absurd. I am beyond disgusted.

I get upset that people at work treat me a certain way, when they have no idea who I really am or what I am about, and then I turn around and live my life in such a way that other people have the problem and can never change. What brought about this criticism and pride? Who am I to think these things? I am no better than anyone I know.

I know many people who have told me they struggle with this very issue. Loving people and not criticizing unnecessarily, because you don't know their life. I usually had a hard time relating. I guess I've become more hardened than I realized.

To all those who I have judged, I'm sorry. You are worth more than rubies and loved beyond the moon by our Lord and Savior. I have been content to look down my muddy nose at all of you while not realizing how stupid I must have looked. I pray you didn't realize or notice, but if you did (and even if you didn't), please forgive me. I have proven myself to be a fool in need of grace.

God is (thankfully) still working. I pray He never stops.

No comments: