Sunday, March 30, 2008

people are frustrating

1) people who you think you know and that you think know you and then you realize that if they weren't part of your life...nothing would change. Disappointing...

2) bigoted people. Everyone - EVERYONE - is a person with feelings and a brain and opinions and are deserving of your attention. Who are you to think other people are less because they are Indian/handicapped/inarticulate/uneducated/ugly? You are just showing yourself to be shallow. Look deeper.

3) people who have their head in the sand. There is so much going on around you, you need to pay attention. Especially when that stuff going on around you is affecting your family and friends that you are supposed to be looking out for.

4) the "it's not my fault" people - other people cannot keep picking up your slack. There is a certain time of grace in everyone's life. It's called childhood and adolescence - and even then you are still responsible for most things. After that, you are your own person and you need to own up. Take responsibility for your actions - even when it hurts you. It's called real life.

5) politicians. just in general.

6) people who don't smile. Ever. Especially when they are in customer relations job. Give me a break. Who hired them?

ok. tirade over. Unfortunately, every single one of these types of people are in my life right now. Some people fit two types. unfortunate.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

money can't buy me love

so, life has been pretty stressful financially lately, although I have recently been able to completely let go of the need to control the fact that more money needs to be coming in than currently is. That doesn't mean I had stopped trying to find a job, but that I had stopped having ulcers every two days when there was no money for mundane things like milk at Market Basket. Instead, I would just go shopping (being smart about it) and just write a check. And every time we would go to church on Sunday, I wouldn't consider what was left in our bank account, I would just calculate how much money Jon and I had made and write a check for 10%...even if we didn't have it. And you know what? God has been providing. On paper we shouldn't have made it this far with me not working, but God is awesome. And, now I have jobs coming out my ears with people who really want to work with me and are super nice and pay really well...and we're going to be covered for the time until I start teaching again in September. I just wanted to share that wonderful blessing. I am content in plenty or in want. Thank you Lord!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

long time no write

whoa, totally been a long time since I've even looked at this page. No one even knows it exists, so I guess that's ok. but, a lot has happened in this time that I wasn't close to aware was going to happen at the time of the last blog. Jon and I got ourselves pregnant, had a adorable little boy who looks like a grand combination of the two of us, and I took a leave of absence from my job and am now considering going back only part-time while we figure out which direction our lives are heading.

So, yeah. pretty crazy. Now schedules are dictated by when Jeremiah needs to eat/sleep/play...it's been the biggest adjustment of my life. Not just physically or time-wise, but mentally and spiritually as well. All those questions that I opened this blog page with in the previous posts are starting to be answered. God is good...crazy...but good. He definitely knows what's up and I definitely don't. But I am learning to trust Him in spite of the fact that I find out every day how little control I have over how my life turns out.

Like, for instance - my ideal life consists of:
1) spending quality time with my wonderful husband and lovely new son (and future kids - don't worry, not pregnant again yet)
2) working part- time somewhere...in music, either teaching or singing, or teaching singing - that's the best option. Kind of what I do now.
3) performing for local arts venues...would love love love that. opera, oratorio, broadway, jazz...you name it. I just wanna sing.

so that's the ideal life. and, as i've said in my very first post, it's been a struggle to give up control over the fact that I might not perform ever on a regular basis. Being pregnant made me rethink a LOT of my priorities and my relationships with everyone and everything. and it's only been in the last couple days that I've finally come to some peaceful realizations: first, that I want to be happy, and that's ok. I think I have been feeling guilty about wanting so much to be happy...kind of messed up thinking. Second, that the things I want in my ideal life might not be realized, and that's hard, but ok too. and third, the only thing that is truly going to make me happy is abiding in Christ. God knows me better than I know myself, and I have to continually be reminded of that fact. He has a plan for my life that I can't fathom and I just need to roll with the punches. I was up thinking the other night (bc the time change sucks when you have a baby) and came to the conclusion that no matter what else happens, the only thing that makes life worthwhile is God. I need to have that relationship or else everything else in my life - no matter how good it may seem on the outside (great husband, wonderful child, enough money, wonderful family and friends, good job) - is not enough. I've been walking around hiding a big secret that I'm miserable - too ashamed to admit to anyone - and for the first time in a long time, I feel free.

"If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed." Amen.