Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Blah.

I am just so very tired.

Yes, I am going to complain now. I have tried to be upbeat, in real life and in blog. And, I have enjoyed a lot about the last few months, which has not been at all terrible. At least, I keep reminding myself of that.

Reminding myself that this is the pregnancy's fault. I am not normally this worn out or cranky or just...blah.

(at least...I hope I'm not. I guess I should say, I don't normally feel so blah.)

Gosh, that sounds like I'm fishing for people to tell me how wonderful I am, and uncranky...which if you feel like saying, fine. (see, I'm not even trying to be superficial right now... ) :) But, I'm really not. I'm just spewing. It's good to spew every now and then...so says my therapist.


I don't really have a therapist. at least not currently. I did at one point...never mind. We don't need to get into that. Suffice it to say, I'm hormonal and tired. Or, at least people keep reminding me of that.

And when they don't, I try to rationalize my behavior that way.

ok, so...here's the scoop of the last few months:

- I just finished the high school musical that I co-direct every year. It was a great group of kids, a fun show...and I'm very much done with it. I completely blame my pregnancy hormones for my lack of enthusiasm at times for this production, because it was well-received, enjoyable as a whole experience, and I get paid very well. But I was SO ready to be done when it was done. The drama director and the music director (me) need to have some sort of different relationship than the one this drama director and I had...she and I are too similar, I think: laid-back, trusting, non-yellers who try to treat the kids as mini-adults. In contrast, our "assistants" (who were the directors in past years) are strong-willed, aggressive, passionate yeller-types who get things movin'-and'shakin'. Don't misread me...I think it needs both types of people, I just think at least one aggresive personality needs to be up front more for the times in rehearsal when kids decide to take requests such as "stop talking backstage" and "be off book by february break" as optional. We need a yeller then. These people come in about 2 weeks before production and clean house. They scare me sometimes. I'll admit it...I do not like conflict. It made it a little nerve-wracking to not have a true "alpha male" personality in charge. I kinda had to take that role...which was strange for me.

And it "peopled" me out.

I just want to crawl into a hole with a great spy novel and eat chocolate and drink crystal lite and not come out for 4 days except to kiss my hubby and son every now and then and make sure they're ok. Oh, and pee every 20 minutes. That's been a great development.

Also singing a lot, but that doesn't need to be talked about now. Sang with W________ Opera W_____(now known as G_____ W_____ Opera) and am singing at church on Sunday. I'm singing one of Jon's favorite songs "The King of Love my Shepherd Is" by Gounod. Ah, Gounod. I would sing you any day of the week. Early emo-music was what he was.

Anyway...I have a million things I want to do around the house to prepare for this baby - wash clothes, paint trim, paint walls, buy slipcovers, research more curtains and rugs, make/buy cloth diapers, convince Jon to use cloth diapers, get books to prepare Jeremiah for forth-coming baby, plant a tomato garden, try to make 2 weeks worth of meals to freeze in extra freezer, etc, etc, etc. Oh, and CLEAN EVERYTHING. I know. I'm overwhelmed reading it too. But, I am convinced it can be done...with other people to paint for me so I don't have a baby that has inhaled paint fumes. Or, whatever...they don't inhale. ("I didn't inhale!")

Sorry.

So, yeah, just blah. I will now take my blah self and eat some cereal.

Aren't you glad you read this uplifting post? Don't answer that.

2 comments:

~Me said...

Oh :( You deserve to complain from time to time. You'll make yourself more frustrated and anxious mentally if you insist on keeping it bottled up and always always putting on a happy face. I'm all about spewing and complaining when necessary, but I think you know that ;)

On another note, it sounds like you might be a little frustrated with yourself for not being so demanding in the musical and not a "yeller." Oh man, was I the opposite. I'm a yeller (especially in theatre - which is one of the reasons I can't go back just yet)...

Hang in there...it mostly is the hormones, and the pregnancy, and the sickness that has been going through your house, and the pee in your bed....now that I write all that down, I'm pretty sure you're entitled to a little whining!!

Praying for you, dear friend!

Ab said...

You are amazing and I have no idea how you are doing everything that you are doing at this point in pregnancy. I remember it well and I was much more of a cop-out than you. I hope you can get lots of rest soon!!