Sunday, August 28, 2011

So. Stressed. Out.

So, remember how I said that fall used to be my favorite season? Well, this post will give a little insight into why my preference changed.

Tomorrow, I begin the 2011-2012 school year. Luckily, I don't have to teach yet, as my first two days are professional development days and the other 1/2 day I teach is all Kindergarten classes, who don't show up until next week. But...the schedule begins.

I have been realizing that I have been rather nasty to my husband and first son the last 24 hours. Once I realized this, I realized how very stressed out I was...and how very tired. This is my processing post for that.

My oldest just turned 4 (FOUR!! I have a longer a baby, or even a toddler...a grown-up-going-to-school-BOY!) and this past weekend we had a huge birthday party for him. I didn't really feel that stressed about it, except for during it (I hate hosting parties), and I think it went rather well. But, today I am really quite tired. I think the baby is too. He is very social and did very well, but was pretty tuckered out last night and today. He's already on his 3rd nap. It's 2:45pm.

Speaking of the baby, I am pretty anxious to leave Isaac. I've been trying to convince myself that I have to accept as good enough that he will be safe and secure and taken care of, even if he is unhappy while I'm gone. See, he is a momma's boy through and through. I think all baby's are at this age, but it just makes it especially hard for me because he's miserable, and then I assume whoever is taking care of him while I'm gone is miserable as well (because I sure would be miserable with a crying baby for hours on end!) and I feel doubly guilty. I know Isaac will adapt and all will be well soon enough, but I sure am gonna fight feeling bad all the time. I need lots of prayer. And Isaac and Jon and our babysitters will need lots of prayer too.

You may think I'm being melodramatic? But you have not been here while this baby screams for an hour or so at a time. And is exhausted and DOESN'T sleep and then screams some more. He's stopped doing that in general, but still tends to do it when I'm not around. I kid you not, the child is 3 months old, will look around a room, notice I'm not there, and commence tantrum. 3 MONTHS OLD.

But I digress.

So that's stressful. Then, there's the whole, you know, getting my butt back in gear for teaching. I'm very excited, actually, because I love my job...but it's always a stressful beginning getting everything together and getting in to organize and decorate your room and get your manipulatives and charts in place and lessons refined. And on top of that, our school's open house is this coming thursday. Our district decided to do those lovely nights right away. While I agree with the principle of this, it is a bit stressful to prepare everything I want to say in one of the two times I have a captive audience of all parents in the school to advocate for my program, describe my curriculum, and present a friendly face while giving legitimacy to my position. I have been performing my whole life and these types of things are the scariest to me...maybe because it's just me being myself up there instead of inhabiting a character. So, if the parents don't like me or I mess up, it's because I may be a moron. :)

See why I don't like fall so much anymore? Lots of stressful things happen. Good things, some. But stressful things because there are so many changes.

Here's what I like about fall: (I need to remind myself of the good)

- crisp air with sunshine

- everything to do with pumpkins! carving, baking, the colors, the scents

- apple picking with friends

- the local fair (although this is less fun with little kids in tow in my opinion...more expensive and you realize how dirty and unsafe things are)

- bold bright colors outside

- making warm comfort food again (soups! stews! homemade mac-n-cheese! mmmmmm....)

- anticipation for holidays

- rearranging furniture and knick knacks around the house (Yes, I do this about every season. I have a problem.)

(this is literally how I think of rooms...I was almost an architect. Love this kind of stuff.)

- the beginning of school.

I do love to see the kids again and share in the excitement of beginning a new year. And the challenge of refining my teaching craft...each year is a fresh start to try to do a little better than before.

K. Not so stressed out anymore. The baby is sleeping in my arms, my parents are here to help out for a few days, and Jeremiah is happily listening to music from my dad's computer. The hurricane didn't get us, and life is so blessed. Over and out.

1 comment:

Ab said...

I actually was thinking the whole time at the party (awesome, fun party by the way!) how great Isaac does at being passed around and held by people other than you... way better than my kids ever did at that age, especially L. I found myself thinking "maybe if I had been as good as Jen at passing my babies around when they were little, L would not STILL be screaming the whole time every time I leave her in the church nursery." I totally understand how that can stress you out--we go through it every Sunday!! I will say prayers that Isaac adjusts quickly for you. It seems like he will.

P.S. Let's all go apple picking together and de-stress very soon. :-)