Tuesday, January 24, 2012

cutting back

A while back, I decided to cut back.

I decided to cut back because I was feeling like panic attacks were eerliy close to happening.

Now, I don't actually know what a panic attack feels like, but I feel like, once you are close to one, you know.

You know?

Anyway, things were just too much here. As in, in my life.

So, I thought, 'hey, let's cut back. I work too much. I mother too little. I stress WAY too much. I worry WAY too much.'

I figured out that some people need me. And a lot of people want me to do things, but that pales in comparison to the family who needs me here.

And I think I need to do only the things that only I can do. Like, only I can be the mother to my children. Only I can be the wife to my husband. There are a few other things that I am still doing that I suppose other people could do, like my job...but I am holding on to that. But I have cut back on other things.

For example:

- recently, I decided to not do the high school musical director job that I normally do every year. Wow, that was a relief to find someone to do that job. I felt so guilty letting them know I wasn't going to do it this year, but I think it was the best decision. Isaac and Jeremiah would not get to see me any afternoons during the week for about 2-3 months if I had decided to go ahead with that job. And I would have been big time grumpy and tired and even less rested than I usually feel. In general, not good. And while the money is nice, happiness at home is so much more valuable at this point.

- also, I was recently asked to sing at an upcoming concert in March with G__________ W________Opera...and I turned it down. I think this may be the first singing gig that I have been asked to do that I have willingly turned down. Again, because of my family. I already have a school concert that week, and this gig would have been at least one dress rehearsal and it's located about 1 hour away...would have been one big stress ball. No thank you. But thanks for asking, I'm flattered! :)

- also, I've stopped cleaning my house. I know, you're thinking, what?! how does that help anything? well, let me tell you, without cleaning, you would not believe the amount of time I have to do...nothing. How sweet it is to do nothing. At least until little Isaac starts crawling with more passion. He's sorta dilly dallying in it right now, and then fusses like a baby because...well, he is one. And then I feel bad and pick him up because he's so darn tootin' cute. So, yeah, I guess at least vaccuuming will have to happen at that point...unless I can convince Jon to do it. He's usually helpful when I ask. That's the plan then. Then I can continue to use my time wisely by not cleaning.

Alright, enough of this silly post. Goodnight and good luck to you all. :)


Ab said...

You. Go. Girl. I'm so glad to hear you're having some time to "do nothing". I think you really needed that. :)

SingingTeacher said...

haha! thanks, Ab. I think it's been coming for a while. :)

we miss you guys! come over with your girls when you feel ready to get out and jer and I can entertain!