Thursday, November 15, 2012

Weightiness

I feel like there is too much, and yet not enough...

time

energy

emotion

thoughts

opinions

knowledge

tasks

advice

beautifying

housework

fellowship

pressure

desire

Things I've been pondering. I wish I was more, but then there would just be...more. I've been reminded by many good people - some I know very well, some I only just am beginning to know - that I need I NEED to give myself grace in the day-to-day grind that is life right now.

Kids

Wife-ing

Teaching

House

Home

Family

Relationship

Singing

Ministering

I feel like I have let go of so much and yet there is so much screaming for more of my intention. I feel a bit purposeless while being driven by every need from place to place. I must work so we can survive and pay bills and have health insurance...I must care for my children physically so they don't get sick, emotionally so they feel secure, academically so they know what's up, socially so they know how to treat people...I must clean the house so we stay healthy and can have a functional home and have people over occasionally without embarassment...I must create a homey atmosphere so we all have a sense of belonging and trust to lean on...I must continue to sing so I don't lose the skills I've worked so hard to hone...I must minister to others as I can because of God's desire for His work to be fulfilled...I must be a loving, supportive wife to a hard-working husband who draws strength from me as I do him...

I must remember when this all too often becomes SO overwhelming that

God has equipped me to do His good work

I cannot possibly do this all on my own strength, much as I constantly strive to (and fall miserably short)

Jesus has asked me to trade my yoke for His - He desires freedom from fear and guilt for me.

Responsibility is something that feels very heavy to me. I do not crave it or desire more of it. I do not ever recall wanting to be the one in charge. And yet, here I am. In charge of so much...but with God's grace.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sorry for the somewhat heavy posts lately, friends. It seems to be a valley-like season of life for me, but pleae know that I acknowledge my blessings and have many moments of complete contentment from day-to-day. What I write here reflects the deep murmurs of my heart-thoughts, so things tend to dig a bit deeper. Big thoughts and questions and wrestles with the God of my heart lately. Thank you for your prayers and for simply encouraging me by reading this little blog of mine. :)

No comments: