Friday, October 26, 2012

put on a happy face...

Today I had the most epic fall I've had in a while.

Those of you who have been around long enough to have not fallen in a while...it pretty much is embarrassing, humiliating,and OH SO PAINFUL.

I wasn't expecting it at all.  I was getting my voice student a glass of water, had turned to get my coffee mug in the other hand, then go up the three stairs into the kitchen...

and then I have no idea.  I just knew I felt the most blinding pain in my lower half and liquid was everywhere and my sweet little voice student was running around saying things like, "oh no!  I've got a towel! are you alright?  oh no!"

I can usually tough out little falls and things when people are around me, it is rare when I cry over an injury...

I would've cried if she hadn't been there.  I contemplated not getting up, but thought that would scare her.

So, instead, I got up and desperately tried not to limp and led her into the music room all while chattering like a silly ninny who hadn't just broken her kneecap just to make her feel like things were ok.

I think I have a problem with pleasing people. 

My knee and shin and feet hurt BAD...like, as the day goes on, I'm considering taking something for the pain.  I'm pretty sure it's just bruises, but my knee is complaining something awful.

I don't know about you, but I feel pretty stupid when I fall...and then I got thinking - even when I was a kid I felt stupid, so maybe that never goes away...you just recover faster as a child. 

I feel like when I try to walk tomorrow, I might consider not.

I wish this was a funny story...anyone have any funny stories of falling out there? 



Thursday, October 18, 2012

marriage...or just the wedding?

I have a coworker, I'll call her Susie (not her real name).  She is someone that I don't really associate with at work mostly because we just don't really get a chance.  But...I'm also not really sure she is someone that I would be able to associate with easily, given the few interactions I've had with her, and given the way I've seen her relate to others and talk about others when they aren't around.  She's young, probably my age or younger, works in Special Education, and tends to act like her job is the most important while cozying up to the principal and anyone else who might help her get "her" way of things done.

Now...I know this is how a lot of people tend to operate in business and many jobs...but it is exactly why I am so glad I am not in one of those types of jobs.  I enjoy the "kid" aspect of my job and the "teaching" aspect of my job...not the agenda-acheiving aspect of my job.  Priorities for me tend to be a bit different...and that creates some awkward moments sometimes with coworkers.

Anyway - that derailed fast.  My point was...

Oh, yeah.  So, Susie.  She very recently got married to her boyfriend that she's been living with for a while.  It has been all wedding planning for this entire school year, and she has made sure that everyone knew about it.  She was VERY excited. 

So, the following week after she was back from her honeymoon, I see her at dismissal duty and offer my congratulations and ask her how everything went?

"It was really great...like totally out of a movie.  I couldn't have imagined it any more perfect," she said sadly.

That's right, I said she said it sadly.  She goes on.

"Now, I'm just feeling so bummed out, like, every day since we got back from the honeymoon, I just feel like that's it!  No more planning, no more appointments...we've been so focused on planning everything perfectly, and now it's just ho-hum life.  I've been like, on the verge of crying every day!"

I look at her with, I hope not as quite an incredulous look as I am feeling inside.  I want to shake her.  What is wrong with you?!  I am thinking.  You just got married, supposedly to the love of your life.  Was the wedding all you wanted? 

I am not one to get on my soap box very often, but this one bothers me.  So many people now live together before marriage, and I just don't believe it's a good idea!  It's definitely not biblical, and some people even have this mentality about it once they are married...like a, well, now what?  What's so special about this?  The honeymoon stage of a relationship should start during the honeymoon.  How's that for a revelation? The honeymoon stage is all about discovering each other and finding out how to love each other as you live together for the first time.   After that, it's about a commitment you made to each other and honor no matter what. 

Saturday, October 13, 2012

a Singer.

“The major benefit for me as a writer? 
No guilt…There are things more important than your writing career.”
 –Jerry Jenkens, Writing for the Soul

I read that Jerry Jenkins (Christian author) made a commitment to only write when his children were asleep. He believes God blessed that commitment by granting him success in his writing, and I'm sure in his relationship with his kids. He felt compelled to keep his priorities straight.

I try to do that with my singing too. I usually try to take gigs that do not take too much time away from my children, something that is becoming increasingly hard, which is why I'm really not doing any singing right now.

That, honestly, makes me feel very insecure in my singing. Not singing makes me feel like I really can't sing. Which, is an entirely different thing. I wish I could just trust that I can sing well and be done with it, not needing affirmation from anyone and everyone for that confidence.

Anyway.

Back to keeping priorities straight. I believe that God has made me a singer...I'm still trying to figure out what kind of singer, but I think I'm slowly learning why: because it glorifies Him. I just need to remember that it is from Him and for Him, not of my own doing or for me.  I need to work hard to gain more "talent"...but it should not be at the expense of other callings He has placed in my life.

A little story:  Recently, my kids and I were having a day.  It might have been due to the fact that we weren't really feeling that good, but we didn't know that yet.  All I knew is that my limited resource of patience was being tested.  It was the dinner-bath-bed time of the day, and Jon was at class, so I had this lovely routine all to myself.  With two whiny, tired children.  I had Jeremiah at the table eating (this is the 4th time I've said it..."TAKE a BITE!" - commence broken-hearted pleas of relationship restoration from my sensitive, yet ornery 5-year old) and Isaac in the bathroom tub about 5 feet away, whining and standing up trying to maim himself by slipping.  I started feeling irrationally irritated, so rather than yell...I decided to start singing.  What did I sing, you ask? 

"Somewhere over the Rainbow", gospel style.

Well I'll be if they didn't shut right up and start eating and playing and smiling happily as if their little worlds were all right with them.

I liked this effect so much, that I sang another song "Bye Bye Baby", arranged by Jane Monheit.  By this time, I'm feeling much better as well, and I came to a stunning (for me) realization.  God has made me to be a singer.  End of story.  And this doesn't eclipse my calling to be a mom, or a wife, or a teacher.  All of that is meant to work in tandem.  But my greatest talent and gift is that of singing to bring glory to Him. It makes everything else seem...right.

Now, you may disagree, or think this is bad theology...I've never claimed to be any sort of great theologian (I leave those discussions to my husband).  All I know, is that I felt God's presence while I sang jazz to my children, and He calmly reminded me that I don't need to define my talent or success by the world's standards, but by His.

What about you readers out there?  Anyone else have dreams and aspirations that you feel compelled to "shelve" or that look differently than you imagined as a teenager?

Thursday, October 11, 2012

A wormhole of sickness

Oy, what a couple of days. A week actually...we have been in a sort of time stand still called 'the flu"...or at least something that resembled it an awful lot.

Fevers.
Aches.
Coughing (lots of coughing).
Whining.
Lethargy.
Occasional puke.
Wheezing.
Nearly sleepless nights.
Needy children.
Needy adults. (Myself included)
Calling in sick to my entire week of school.
Jeremiah not going to school all week.


Not. Fun.


But, there are a couple of bright things. Jon has something called "reading week" at seminary this week so he did not have to be at class! Even though he is pretty sick too, it is nice to have another adult around to share the moaning and whining and coping with. And it has been so nice to have cuddle time with my boys while they feel rotten...especially Isaac who seems to never stop long enough for me to cuddle him unless he is met by an unfamiliar face or is feeling sick. So, trying to focus on the positive.

Also, I've been trying out a few new things lately, mostly due to our sickness...home remedies and whole food living stuff. Here's what we've tried:

Garlic and honey. Did you know this is a natural disease fighter? You can take this several ways...we have been swallowing it whole like a pill. Even Jeremiah tried it, although he was a bit distraught with the "onions" as he called them. You put some honey on a spoon, finely mince a raw clove of garlic, put that on the spoon, then put more honey on the spoon, then down the hatch! It really is not too bad, although Jon might beg to differ. There have been many people on the web saying this is a great preventative thing for illness and disease...I want to try this recipe soon (although hopefully we Won't get this sick again anytime soon!)

Vinegar. On our noses, in our ears, on our counters. I've found it helps to un-stuff my nose, which is nice. But really burns when your nose is raw...in which case I put some coconut oil on my nose, and that was really nice. It has helped that rubbed raw feeling your nose gets when it's been running for a day or so.

I've been making bone broth for us to be drinking...it's a cool concept, I'll let you know how we fare this winter with it. It's always simmering on the counter, and at the end of the week, you throw it out and start a new batch. It's supposed to leach out the gelatin and vitamins and minerals and such from the bones of whatever meat you're using, and that's good for you...it tastes good and is so nice to have something warm whenever I want it. And it only costs .03 cents an hour to run your crockpot.  So they tell me.  I'm gullible, so I'll believe it. Until I get a monstrous electricity bill!  HA!  (I hope that doesn't happen).

Sprouted/soaked grains. This is a whole other post, but I'm trying it for the first time right now. Soaking the flour tonight, cooking pancakes tomorrow. Maybe I'll let you know how it goes. " Maybe" only because I don't really update this super frequently, have you noticed?

Honey instead of sugar. We've pretty much cut out all white sugar (which includes brown sugar). Instead, we use honey, maple syrup, fruits, agave nectar, and stevia. I'm not totally sold on this one yet 'cuz I need to do more research (like, isn't cane sugar natural too?) but for now, it's nice not feeling so sugar crazy all the time.

So, that's our week. Oh, and Jeremiah's full on reading now. And Isaac can open the fridge. And Jeremiah's favorite movie is Toy Story 2, which we may or may not have watched a half dozen times since 4 days ago. And Isaac says "no", "school", " '-Miah", "apple cider" "go!", "bottle" and about a dozen other things, usually very emphatically, which would be cute if it wasn't 3 in the morning.

But, gosh my kids are cute. I am grateful for this week to observe them.

We are going to try to have tomorrow be a 'normal' day. Here's hoping!

Here's some fun for ya...my kiddos at the local Fair recently: