Sunday, January 06, 2013

Resolution


New Years Resolutions!

Last year was, let's say, moderately successful.  It's actually the first time I've even really attempted to really and truly keep some purposefully made resolutions.  I gave updates every now and then, but then life got away from me and I decided I should try to survive rather than survive and blog about it.  :)  Sorry for you all!  I am trying to cut back...here's where I stand with last year's resolutions:

Summary of 2012 resolutions

 1. learn to garden 
           Ok, so I wouldn't say I have "learned to garden" per se...but I did grow some tomatoes and we did eat them.  And I am going to try again this summer and maybe add something else easy like cucumbers.  Jeremiah loves him some cucumbers.  And pickles.  Should I add pickling to the list for this year?  Yikes! 


Here's proof that I did, indeed, grow something:

ok, so I don't have pictures of red ones, but they did turn red and were edible. :)

2.
begin exercising again 
      So....this happened and didn't.  Jon and I did join a gym, and I did go for a few months, but then life got in the way and I didn't.  And I really haven't gone since.  But I have been trying to exercise again, because I feel better.  I have been starting with a light body-weight routine before bed, and a walk during the day.  I hope to make it a jog soon enough...

3.
bake bread at least 2 times a month
        So, this, along with resolution #6, turned into a much bigger deal than I could have ever predicted.  We have really changed the way we are eating, to a mostly gluten-free diet combined with whole food eating...it works better for Jeremiah's needs and I just love that we are putting good things into our bodies all the time.  You might be thinking...gluten-free?  And this resolution was about bread?  Hmmmm.....   And you would be right.  However, I have learned more about alternative flours in the last 6 months than I ever thought was possible...and I know some people would disagree with me, but I can't taste much of a difference anymore.  Might mean that I wasn't that good of a baker to begin with...

4.
Create a sitting area in my room 
        This happened, although late in the year.   I wanted to make more of a desk area for Jon and I to use for our studies, so I found a great small dining room table for free on Craigslist and set it up as a large desk in our bedroom.  I love how it looks, and am excited to expand on our master bedroom...it needs the work.

5.
Get up before family to do said Bible reading and prayer. 
           So getting up early is just not happening.  But I have found that a great time to do this reading and prayer is after putting the kids to nap or bed.  There is a sudden peace that comes over the house (imagine that!) and I have been trying to have my time with God then, before I think of the other things I need to do.  It has been increasingly hard to just drop everything and spend time with Him, although I know it's my lifeline.  Maybe mommy guilt is getting ahold of me after all...

6.
Not eat fast food. 
       We really don't anymore!  I mean, every now and then, Jon and I will when we are in an extreme rush (like during our concert season recently), but the kids very rarely do.  We actually don't really eat much processed food at all anymore, which is so exciting for me to realize.  I really have come to believe that nutrition and food we put in our bodies will dictate our health and well-being.

Ok, so on to 2013.

In the upcoming year, I have been thinking about how many people try to focus in on one theme instead of many different resolutions (or maybe people usually only do one resolution?  I get over-excited at times and usually do one for each category of my life.  Yeah, it's a bit much.)  Anyway.  I decided that focusing on one area of my life would be a good thing for me in many ways.  I have chosen to focus on:

Relationship.

This is a big topic, I can hear you say.  True.  It is.  But it is one that I really desire to work out as God has been gently laying it on my heart to be more intentional with family and friends.

I am much more of a "Martha" than a "Mary" lately...maybe have always been this way.  Regardless, I struggle with retreating into doing more service instead of investing in showing love to others by spending time with them and really getting to know them.  I do believe that service can be a way to show love - a very valid way, actually - but I tend to hide behind it so I don't feel awkward trying to think of the right things to say to people.  I want to be in prayer daily with my Maker, spend intentional time with my husband, be purposeful in the words and actions I share with my children, and actually let my friends know how valuable they are to me.

I want to begin to explore why I have such a 'fear of man' instead of a fear of God...and how deeply does it affect my day to day interactions and decisions?  My feeling is this fear affects me far too greatly for any significant effectiveness to be had for God's kingdom.  I worry so much about what people will feel and think, I take on insult and injury that doesn't necessarily exist, and I have begun to trust in the value of reputation more than the value of God's view of me.  I am going to be intentionally asking God's help in restoring myself to Him.  I feel that I have become insecure, over- sensitive, paranoid, and selfish...holing myself up away from others so I can save myself the embarrassment of not being good enough.

This is exactly why Christ came.  Redemption.  Restoration of relationship to the Father and Maker of my soul.  I have a hard time believing that He would come even if it was just dirty old selfish me all by myself here on earth, but that's the truth.  He came to save me.  Because He actually loves me and thought I was important enough to redeem to Himself through the birth, life, and death of His only Son.

So it begins with relationship with God.   I know there will be failure, but I hope to fall forward, always striving toward the goal of His love.  I long for the freedom He has promised through relationship with Him.

Lord, save me from the trappings of this world.  May I not be too content here, but remember my true home in You.  Forgive my desperation to fit in where I don't need to belong, and grant me grace and strength to be Your salt and light where You want me.  Above all, I pray that You would deign to allow Yourself to be glorified this year through this broken and faulty vessel.  Amen.

2 comments:

Catherine said...

Jen, did you ever read Kingsolver's "Animal, Vegetable, Mineral"? You probably have, but I really enjoyed it. You can borrow my copy if you want!

SingingTeacher said...

i have not, actually...would love to borrow it!