Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The girl and the future.

So.

We found out we're having a little girl!

To be honest, I wasn't surprised. This pregnancy has been different than the previous two...feeling sicker more frequently, breaking out, dry hair (isn't there an old wives tale about girls taking their mother's beauty?)

But, although I had been telling people that having a girl would scare me a bit, I was surprised how much I was unnerved by the actual fact that I have a little girl to arrive in about 5 months.

And then raise in this sex-crazed, moral-less American culture. Lord, have mercy.

It really, really makes me nervous. Something about raising boys feels easier, and I realized that it may be because I put the real gist of the boys' modeling on Jon - this seems natural that the father would be the real catalyst for his sons' maturity.

Whereas raising a girl puts a lot more on me. (I hope I hope I hope that I will look back on this post years from now and shake my head at my ignorant stereotyping and naive parenting.) I don't consider myself a girly girl, and I don't really consider myself a great communicator of emotional/social...stuff. (see what I mean?) And, isn't that some of what girls need?

The one thing I am sure of is that God doesn't give us more than He knows we can handle...or maybe to put it another way (as I've come to think of it), He gives us the knowledge along the way that we really can't handle it without Him...as I've been slowly and stubbornly conceding over the last year.

Good thing He is patient and good. He sure is not safe, but He is definitely good. This little girl coming has already been forcing thoughts forward about God's leading that have been ruminating in my heart the past half year or so: Should I stay home? Is that even possible? Should the fact that I think it's more important to fully invest in the wife and mother role at this time override the fact that we possibly won't have enough money to get by?

Does it matter what I think is possible if I'm trusting that God will provide?

How do I trust God to take care of us if we don't have enough money?

How do I NOT trust Him at this point when He has so obviously and providentially taken care of us every step of this seminary journey so far?

Prayers all around would be appreciated, folks. I desperately want to be wise...but not necessarily according to the world's ways. But I am afraid of so much that I don't tend to admit to anyone, even myself, sometimes.

Yet, I think I would be okay with looking like I fool if I am in communion with my Lord.

Isn't that why it's called a leap of faith?

2 comments:

Ab said...

Being mommy of three girls, you'd think I'd have some answers to the questions you've raised about bringing up girls, but I guess I don't. We're figuring it out as we go, and it can be tricky, but also wonderful. I think you're more wise than you think. :) Sooo very happy for you guys!

cara said...

Jen...so happy to hear you guys are expecting a girl! Congratulations :) Hope you are feeling well despite the more frequent sickness. Before I had Ian, I only wanted to raise boys. Something about raising girls scared me and I felt that I wouldn't be able to. Now that I have my son, I've done a 180 and am really hoping that we have the joy of a girl sometime in our future, even with all the unknowns and this crazy world we live in. Funny how experience can change your opinion. So happy that you guys will get to experience both boys and girl(s)! Congrats again :)